Breaking the Cycle of Victim-Blaming
Empowering survivors and holding accusers accountable
I will never understand why it is more shameful to be a victim than an instigator or to be abused than an abuser.
Guilt is one side of a nasty triangle; the other two are shame and stigma. The grim condition combines to incriminate women, or the abused in general, for the crimes committed against them.
This is a situation prevalent in our countries today. Many may wonder how that’s possible, yet they tend to condemn the victims of abuse more than the abuser. We make it seem so shameful that a person is a victim of a crime that victim-blaming has become a common trend in the community today.
Victim blaming occurs when the victims of a crime or any wrongful act are held entirely or partially responsible for the transgressions committed against them. People may not realise the damage they are doing by placing the blame on the victim — you’re allowing the abusers’ excuses to be validated while leaving the victim in an anguished mental state. We tend to make the victim feel like they were deserving of such mistreatment or that they could have done something to stop it; therefore, it must have been their fault that such things happened to them.
Now, I’m not referring to neglecting responsibility. I’m not saying that someone who got drunk and fell into a pit cannot be talked to about how his drunkenness obviously led to that. I’m not saying people should absolve themselves of responsibility in a cause-and-effect solution. I’m saying people ought not to be blamed for things outside their capacity — things that aren’t their fault — things they couldn’t have changed the outcome of or put a stop to, no matter how hard they tried. Blaming them for stuff like that is harsh, is it not? Yet, in one way or another, many do this today.
Google wrote,
Saying things like “she was asking for it” or “boys will be boys” reinforces victim blaming. Victim blaming can prevent survivors from reporting abuse and getting the support they need.
Sadly, this phenomenon is quite common today. Especially in rape or sexual assault cases. In Nigeria, when a girl is raped, people tend to tell her that she didn’t dress well, and that’s why such things happen.
The fact is, rape cases are prevalent, and people who have experienced them are not limited to a particular style of dressing. According to the Bureau of Justice, more than 52% of all rape and sexual assault victims were females younger than 25. Serious violent crime rates for persons ages 18 to 21 were 17 times higher. Currently, in Nigeria, even children and little babies have been victims. This suggests that rapists will be rapists. Telling a rape victim that they should have dressed properly is a form of victim-blaming.
I recently had the privilege to listen to a bus discussion about a distressing topic: a woman beaten by her husband. The first question that was asked was, “What did she do?” This question is a way of victim blaming, as if to say that the victim might have done something that excuses going through such an ordeal. That’s how bad the situation has become.
These individuals seem to apply Newton’s third law to human relationships, which states that, to paraphrase loosely, every reaction (in this case, by an abuser) is caused by an action. Not realising that, while trying to rationalise abuse, they have inadvertently justified the actions of the abusing husband.
Human relationships, unlike the laws of physics, are more complicated and do not have one rule that applies to all. This "physics" kind of thinking convinces the abuser that they did nothing wrong and increases the chances that such things will happen again, but worse. It makes sure that the crimes prevail, and the one-time offender becomes more likely to be a repeat offender.
If we examine everyday cases, when a con case is reported to the police, the victim is blamed for believing others, which is actually supposed to be a good quality. The one who got robbed is blamed for allowing himself to be robbed. The victim is called foolish for not suspecting the crime.
Blaming the victim is an act of refuge and self-deception. It allows the blamer to sit in judgement, imagining some mystical justice that means bad things happen only to bad people, thus ensuring their own safety.
The response all people should have to abuse is one that focuses on fixing the problem: helping the victim get to a point of good mental health and making the abuser less likely to repeat such an offence by showing them the gravity of their actions or trying them in court, thus deterring other future offenders.
To reduce this prevailing evil, let us all take active actions to challenge victim-blaming statements when we hear them while letting survivors know that it isn’t their fault. We mustn’t agree with abusers’ excuses for why they abuse. In fact, we should not let them make such excuses, blaming the victim, alcohol, drugs, or anything else. They should instead be held accountable for their actions.
In the words of Flora Jessop,
“to those who abuse, the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours.”
“To those who protect the perpetrators, blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest.”
