Christmas Bells and Wedding Bells
The Holiday Question That Never Fails
During the Christmas holidays, one question seemed to echo louder than the sound of jingle bells: “So, when are you getting married?”
Once upon a time, you’d shrug it off, chalking it up to the older folks being, well, older folks. But now? Even your unmarried friends have joined the chorus. It’s almost like we’ve been programmed to believe that at a certain age, this is the question everyone should be asking.
And it’s not just casual curiosity — it’s relentless. Your pastor chimes in. Your relatives won’t let it go. Even the well-meaning prayers you receive are heavily laced with marriage themes: “May God bring your partner this year!” or the classic, “This time next year, we’ll be celebrating a naming ceremony for your child.”
And then there’s the most ironic part — those who are visibly unhappy in their own marriages are often the loudest voices urging you to tie the knot. It’s almost as if they’re recruiting you for the same club they’re struggling to enjoy, as if misery loves company.
It’s as though everyone has decided that this is the next chapter of your life, and they’re ready to write it for you — whether you’re on board or not. It feels urgent, as though marriage is some kind of finish line, a societal deadline tied to your age.
But here’s the thing: should it be? Should anyone else define what your next stage looks like?
Maybe it’s time to rethink the narrative.
Finding Love on Your Own Terms: Rejecting Societal Marriage Pressure
In today’s world, the concept of arranged marriage might seem outdated. Yet, the pressure to marry feels just as overwhelming. While parents no longer handpick a spouse, the expectation to marry remains ever-present.
There’s an age, as a young woman, where marriage becomes the ultimate expectation. Adults often end their taunts with, “Your mates are married,” as though not being married at a certain age equates to failure.
Once you hit your early twenties — 22 and beyond — the most frequent questions from family and friends revolve around marriage:
“Who’s the guy?”
“When’s the wedding?”
“Why aren’t you married yet?”
The societal expectation to marry is undeniable. The focus isn’t on personal happiness or compatibility but solely on the act of marriage. No one seems to ask whom you like, whom you’re dating, or when you actually want to get married. It’s as if the who doesn’t matter, as long as you marry at the “right” time and the person meets societal standards — even if they don’t meet yours.
But nobody should feel compelled to marry because of societal expectations.
This unrelenting pressure feels like a modern form of arranged marriage, minus the formal arrangement. Phrases like, “…when you get to your husband’s house…” reinforce the antiquated notion that a girl’s life is merely preparation for marriage. It’s a notion I reject.
Looking good should be about self-confidence, not to please a future husband. Learning to cook should be about independence, not a marital duty. Being financially wise should be about securing your future, not preparing for a joint account with a spouse. Life is about much more than marriage.
Marriage should happen on one’s own terms — when the right person comes along, someone who aligns with your standards and values. Settling for someone just because you’ve reached a certain age or to appease societal expectations is not the answer. A pressured marriage feels no different than an arranged one.
No one should marry until they’re ready. And no one should marry unless they’ve found someone who makes them genuinely want to.
Nobody should.
I’ll be doing a marriage series this week — covering as many topics on marriage as I can think of.
Yeah, I know, I’m not married yet, no experience, bla bla bla. But hey, my views are still valid, so I’m sharing them. You can choose to read them, or you can scroll past. Totally your call.
But I’ll keep posting until I run out of things to say about this marriage stuff… for now, at least.
I didn’t start this conversation, by the way. They did.
(If you read this post from the start, you’d get what I mean).
Anyway, back to the point. You don’t have to read it, but I hope you will.
And I hope it resonates with you. And hey, maybe even give it 50 claps? (wink)
