I used to wish I was different
A tale from the past — 2021
I used to wish strongly that I was fairer.
Many have heard “I wish I was fair” but not “I wish I was fairer”. This probably sounds strange to a lot of people but mostly to those who know me because I’m more than averagely fair. Although I didn’t back up this desire by the action of bleaching, however, whenever I saw someone fairer than I was, I felt ugly and wished to be them. I also had the habit of checking myself in the mirror multiple amount of times daily. This went on for a while until I realized it was a mental issue that came from my being self-conscious which stemmed from wanting to be loved by all for being pretty. Then I took the first step and loved myself, stopped being so self-conscious and made sure that each time I looked in the mirror, I highlighted something good about my appearance and not just what I conceived to be bad. Over time, I started seeing myself as beautiful just the way I was. Only then could I accept compliments and be grateful when complimented.
When the topic of mental health is brought up to an average Nigerian, the picture that comes to mind is one of an individual walking along the road of Lagos in dirty clothes, a leaf in his/her hair and altogether unkempt appearance with a deranged look in their eye. However, mental health issues surpass this physical description. It is my belief that a number of people in the general human population have a particular mental health issue even though only a few people are intuitive enough to know, able and confident enough to admit it and concerned enough to do something about it.
The title of one of my favourite korean dramas that year was: “It’s okay to not be okay” (2020). The reason why I believe it’s okay to not be okay is because of my theory of majority of the population having some mental issues. Therefore, it’s not supposed to be a thing to be ashamed of. These mental health issues range from low self-esteem, pride, daddy-issues, addiction, wanting to always be the best, depression, obsession with beauty, to mention a few. In fact, almost everything people do can be explained in respect to their mental health.
Mental health issues cover each of these issues related to the mind and more. It is the form of health with respect to one’s emotional well-being, especially with reference to one’s outlook on life, ability to cope with stress or the absence of a mental disorder. Mental health is an integral part of health and well-being and yet, it’s been neglected in this part of the world. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that worldwide, 450 million people have a mental disorder and 25% of the population will suffer from mental illnesses at some time in their lives.
According to the WHO, mental health is a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.
Mental health issues are different from mental health disorders. Like I said, most people have mental health issues but not everyone has a mental disorder. Mental disorders affect the core of one’s being through a range of experiences and phenomena of varying severity that alters the individual’s thinking, perception and consciousness about the self, others and the world. Dozens of mental disorders have been identified and defined such as psychoses, bipolar disorders, clinical depression, eating disorders, dissociative identity disorder (DID) also called multiple personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), schizophrenia, post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD), among many other psychiatric disorders. Emotion, perception, thought and action are the essence of human identity and the concept of self and these are the prime domains altered in either mental health issues or disorders.
Mental health issues are of equal opportunity i.e. it affects young and old, male and female, tall and short, fat and slim, and individuals of every race, ethnic background, education level and income level. The good news is that though some can only be managed, others can be treated.
I once told someone that everyone has a mental health issue and therefore, so does he but he rejected it. However, if you study an average person, there is a psychology behind everything they do, even though they don’t realize it, most of the time. Many talk a lot without listening because of their need to be heard, many gather friends because they want to be supported, many go into relationships because they are afraid to be alone, many engage in two-timing or leading others on because of their desire to be loved by all and many other decisions which when traced back psychologically leads to a mental health issue hidden behind morals, confidence, lackadaisical attitude to life in general, religion and many other logical things.
Well, back to my story.
Now, when I look at people, I still examine their looks but I’ve overcome a part of it because I can now look at the faces of gorgeous people and say “I’m beautiful” and “I’m glad to be me” with confidence and truth in my words. It’s one mental health issue that I’m happy to have overcome. It also led to breakthrough in other issues I had. Cheers to my overcoming the rest and hoping my story helps you realize yours, not be ashamed of it and finally overcome it too.
I was glad to be me then, and I still am.
Here’s to a greater 2024 and beautiful me.
Happy new year in advance.
