Movies vs. Reality: The Misguided Lessons on Marriage
I’m gong to be writing another one on the topic of marriage, as I said I would this week. I think this is the last of the series.
Enjoy!
Movies Are Not Reality!
Let’s face it: movies are great for entertainment, but they’re absolutely terrible as a guide for how to live your life — especially when it comes to marriage.
I once watched a movie where the main character worked for an intelligence agency but kept it a secret from his girlfriend. He didn’t tell her when they got engaged, nor when they got married. She only found out when she was kidnapped as a result of his job, and he had to swoop in and save her. And guess what? They lived happily ever after.
Absolute nonsense.
You don’t keep something as major — and dangerous — as your job a secret from your spouse. Especially if your line of work could put their life at risk. Keeping them in the dark leaves them vulnerable to threats they can’t even prepare for. They deserve to know what they’re signing up for. They deserve the choice to weigh the risks and decide whether or not they want to marry you.
If you keep it a secret, don’t be surprised when their trust in you evaporates the moment they find out. Lying about something so fundamental — your job, your life — makes them question whether they ever really knew you. That kind of betrayal can destroy a marriage before it even has a chance to grow. And if your secret puts them in danger? Well, saving them isn’t going to salvage what’s already broken.
Here’s the bottom line:
Be honest with your partner before you say your vows. Let them know who you really are and what you really do before they say “I do” and commit to spending their life with you. Don’t manipulate or deceive them into staying by keeping them in the dark. If you love them, you’ll trust them enough to make an informed choice.
True love isn’t about hiding the truth and hoping they’ll stick around once they’re trapped. It’s about trusting that they’ll love you even when they know the whole story. Loving you and choosing to be with you despite the odds is a choice that they and only they can make. And if you can’t trust them with the truth, then you’re not really loving them — you’re trying to control them — to force them to be with you.
Here’s the hard truth:
Letting someone go because they don’t accept all of you is also a form of love. It shows respect for their choice and self-respect for your own truth. Sometimes love means stepping back and allowing them the freedom to choose — or not choose — you. And that’s okay. Because love, at its core, is rooted in honesty and trust. Anything less isn’t love — it’s coercion.
You need to know that letting them go is also love — for them, for yourself.
For them, because you respect their choice.
For yourself, because your choice is you.
