“I woke up that day and realised that I was dying alone.”
That Wednesday, Diane lay in bed, hooked up to machines after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. There she was, staring at the ceiling and at her phone in turn, looking through her contacts with no one to call. She wondered how she had ended up alone, with no one to share her sadness with and no one to talk to, just days away from death.
Being alone had never been so frightening before this moment.
She wondered where it all went wrong.
Though the first child in a family of six, Diane could be described as the quietest one. Bayo and Omolara were two amazing people who met and married in 1994, having their first child in December 1999 after many attempts, prayers, and frustrations. At first, it didn’t matter that the child was a girl, and they named her Diane Oluwabamise, the first child of the Williams family. However, after waiting in vain for another child, they raised Bamise as if she were an adult, teaching her responsibilities even as a young child. In 2004, the couple had another child, Bayo Jr., and the celebration was on a whole different level. Soon after, they had twins, Emmanuel and Emmanuella, and decided their family was complete.
Among their children, Diane was considered more brilliant than most, excelling even without much studying. She finished high school at the age of 14 and graduated from university at 19. Luckily or unluckily, she secured a wonderful job after graduation and moved out of the house. When she was younger, she didn’t talk much because her parents, unable to conceive another child, poured all their energy into their work, and she learned to speak less, except at school. It didn’t help that she had no siblings to talk to. When Junior was born, she was happy to finally have a sibling. However, Junior was still a child, and although her parents were home more often, they only seemed to care about what Junior, always cute, did.
Then, when Emmanuel and Emmanuella came into the picture, Diane felt like an outsider in the family. She couldn’t follow conversations or keep up with what was happening, and she never seemed to hear the important things until everyone else did. Eventually, she became more comfortable being alone than being around others, even her family. When she went to university, she was relieved to escape the pressure of feeling alone at home. However, university life wasn’t much better; she had many acquaintances but no one she truly enjoyed being around. She never went shopping, to parties, or anywhere apart from school. She soon convinced herself that she didn’t need anyone, as long as she had money, and focused even more on her studies.
In her second year at Ekiti State University, which she had chosen to be far from her family in Lagos, where she was studying public administration, she met Ezekiel. He was a very handsome young man in the psychology department who fell head over heels for her. He asked her out, and she said yes—not because she liked him, but because she wanted to try connecting with people again. Their relationship lasted nine months, like the gestation period of a human baby. Ezekiel loved her more each day, yet Diane felt nothing for him. She felt guilty when he did kind things for her and frustrated when she had to take his calls. After this excruciating period, she broke up with him, shattering Ezekiel’s heart without explaining why. Diane knew the reason, though: she had dated someone she didn’t love for nine whole months. After this, she swore off relationships and focused solely on her studies.
All this focus paid off, and by the age of 19, Diane graduated with a first-class degree and returned home. By this time, Junior was 14 and the twins were 12. Though they were old enough to hold conversations, she isolated herself, only coming out to eat or leave the house. After graduating, she registered for her NYSC service in 2018, where she made new acquaintances during the three-week camp but never stayed in touch, not intentionally but because she didn’t know how to form real relationships.
After completing her NYSC service in 2019, Diane got a job in 2020. Then came the coronavirus pandemic. She couldn’t go to the office and began working from home as a PR officer. Life had never been more pleasant. She woke up each day, ate whatever she liked, and binge-watched films and read novels until it was time to work. She loved the quiet and the peace it brought her. She spoke to her family on a schedule so she wouldn’t forget. By this time, however, her mum had lost her job as a cashier at a bank due to the lack of customers, and her dad couldn’t continue teaching. Diane sent them money regularly, along with her scheduled calls.
Her life felt perfect, especially since she always had money for whatever she needed. But in 2021, she had to return to full-time work. She was promoted to PR manager with a salary increase. Soon, her only connection with her family was the money she sent. She was the perfect daughter—a manager at 22 who sent money home often, though she rarely visited. She had no personal relationships and channelled all her energy into work.
One day, her life changed completely. She fainted at work and was rushed to the hospital, where she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The doctor was baffled that she hadn’t experienced any symptoms. Diane felt like the ground had disappeared beneath her. How could this be possible? A young woman under 25 with stage 4 cancer? She left the hospital in disbelief, despite the doctor’s urging that she be admitted. She decided that if she was going to die, she needed to do many things first. She spent the next few days meeting her favourite actors and visiting tourist attractions. But none of it brought her joy. She had no one to share it with, and had to ask strangers to take her photo.
The next few months flew by, and she returned to the hospital, where the doctor told her the cancer had progressed faster than expected, and she had only weeks—if not days—left. No one knew about her condition, and she didn’t know who to turn to. For a whole week, she sat in the hospital room by herself, crying.
Finally, she summoned the courage to call her mum, who was shocked to hear that her daughter had been diagnosed with an incurable illness and had only weeks to live. Her mum wept over the phone, and the entire family came to the hospital that same day. Her mum was furious, asking why she hadn’t been told. Diane said she hadn’t spoken to them properly for so long that it felt awkward to discuss anything other than finances or work. Her entire family hugged her, crying together.
When she could finally speak, Diane asked her parents why they had hated her. Her mum responded, “How could I hate my own child?” Diane explained that she had always felt unloved by them. Her mum replied, “I have always loved you. It’s true that we weren’t around much when you were young, but it wasn’t because we didn’t care—it was because of our own struggles. You are my firstborn, the beginning of my fruitfulness. I only asked for money as a way of staying connected to you. I love you, my daughter.”
Diane cried, thinking, “Why didn’t I do this sooner? What was I so afraid of? Why couldn’t I tell them I was hurting? Why was it so hard to speak up? Why did I avoid the conversations and arguments that could have brought us closer?” These thoughts ran through her mind as her breathing became laboured. Surrounded by her family, she smiled. Family truly is everything. As though she had received her last wish, she took her final breath—happy, though in death, as if for the very first time. With a smile on her face, she passed away.
P.S. This is one of the very few fiction stories I’ve written. I wrote it sometime in 2022 or thereabout and posted it on Substack before I closed my account. I remembered the story again while watching the Love Next Door korean series because I could see parts of the story in it, except that the series made it a happier scene.
