Proposals
The Surprise That Shouldn’t Shock You
I said I was going to make my posts this week on the topic of marriage, and I’m making good on my promise.
Let’s talk about proposals today.
You know, that big moment when the relationship officially levels up from “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” to “fiancé.” It’s a milestone that says, “Hey, we’re serious about heading towards forever.”
Many of us romanticize proposals as grand moments filled with butterflies, fireworks, and fairy-tale endings. But beneath the dreamy façade lies a truth that often gets overlooked: a proposal is not just a performance; it’s the beginning of a life-altering partnership. For something so profound, shouldn’t both partners be on the same page about their future before one person pops the question? Communication about values, goals, and readiness sets the foundation for a “yes” that carries weight and certainty — not just momentary excitement.
The rise of viral public proposals has also added a layer of performative pressure. It seems like proposing has become less about genuine connection and more about the spectacle. While there’s nothing wrong with creating a memorable moment, the heart of the proposal should be mutual understanding, not theatrics. The beauty of the gesture lies in its authenticity, not its ability to entertain an audience.
I get it — proposals are supposed to be magical and surprising.
But here’s the thing: the surprise should be in when and how it happens, not in the actual question. A marriage proposal shouldn’t leave you blindsided — it should be something you’ve both thought about and discussed.
This reminds me of a book I read, The Proposal by Jasmine Guillory. In the book, freelance writer Nikole Paterson finds herself at a Dodgers game with her actor boyfriend, his man bun, and his entourage. Suddenly, her face is on the scoreboard, and he’s down on one knee, asking her to marry him. The problem? They’ve only been dating for five months, he can’t even spell her name right, and they’ve never talked about marriage.
Saying no wasn’t the hard part — it was facing a stadium full of 45,000 disappointed strangers, not to mention her boyfriend, who thought a grand romantic gesture would guarantee a yes.
She almost got guilted into accepting his proposal because it was his birthday and a grand romantic gesture.
It raises an important question: “Who proposes without talking about it first? And in public, no less?”
It’s no surprise that many public proposals get a “no.”
Imagine going out for a casual date with a boyfriend who has never mentioned marriage — and with whom you have never discussed the topic — only to be thrust into the spotlight, expected to make a life-changing decision while thousands of people are watching, recording, and urging you to “say yes.” What makes it worse is knowing that refusing could make you the “villain” in a story no one knows the full context of, with your rejection dissected by strangers online and offline.
And since the internet never forgets, you might find your rejection video aired on TV or circulating online for friends, family, and strangers to watch for years to come — whether or not you like it.
I can’t even imagine that.
Here’s the takeaway:
Don’t let anyone guilt, pressure, or manipulate you into saying yes when you’re not ready or simply don’t want to.
As the popular Nigerian marching song puts it, “Do not say yes when you mean or need to say no.”
Marriage is one of the most significant commitments you’ll make.
Peer pressure has no place in that decision.
