The Silent Threat: “I don’t want to argue with you.”
Why avoiding arguments can harm your relationships
I remember getting the idea for this write-up about three years ago. I’m glad I can finally write it.
One of the worst things you could say to a friend or someone you care about is, “I don’t want to argue with you.”
I’ll tell you why.
Arguments are people’s way of letting you know what they disapprove of and can even help you know them better, offering a glimpse into each other’s perspectives.
Therefore, arguments, though often emotionally charged, are vital for understanding each other. Skipping them might avoid immediate conflict, but it creates cracks in the relationship.
Regrettably, in today’s world, people often go to great lengths to avoid arguments, unwittingly diminishing communication and stifling the sharing of our perspectives, ultimately leading to fractures in our relationships. It’s essential to understand that arguments rooted in love are not condemnations, but rather serve as a mirror to reflect areas where improvement is possible and highlight the path to becoming the best version of ourselves — opportunities for learning and growth.
Healthy arguments don’t need to occur frequently, but when they do, they should bring people closer together, not drive them apart.
Arguments, despite their emotional intensity, play a crucial role in mutual understanding and, when infused with love and respect, can be a powerful tool for strengthening the bonds between couples.
But “I don’t want to argue with you.”
This phrase, more often than not, dismisses the importance of hearing the other person’s perspective, steering the relationship away from meaningful discussions.
It’s a statement that says I’m frustrated.
We’re getting nowhere with our conversations, so I don’t want to have a conversation with you.
We’re saying our relationship is so fragile that if you tell me something I disapprove of, the tiny strings holding us together might just break.
We’re saying that going on about this is a waste of time.
We’re saying I don’t want to hear your point of view on this matter because it’s not relevant.
We’re saying I’d rather not talk about this topic with you.
We’re saying that maybe we should just be two people who don’t talk about important matters that we have differing opinions about.
However, is that even a relationship anymore?
Someone you’re scared to discuss important matters with, someone you feel frustrated by… That’s even worse than strangers.
You’re saying, “Let’s not pretend; we’re not close anymore. Our relationship is tiring, and our conversations go nowhere.”
It might be time to part ways.
In conclusion, the phrase “I don’t want to argue with you” goes beyond avoiding conflict; it jeopardises the essence of a relationship. It’s a red flag, suggesting that the connection may be dwindling and urging us to reflect on the true nature of the relationship.
